End of My Rope, was written and staged in 2013-2014. The first scene in Act 1 follows.

ACT I

Setting: An Apartment that’s torn apart a little bit, but altogether rather nice. It is a studio apartment so everything he owns is essentially in one room. He does not have a bed, but rather a lone mattress which is leaning against a wall so that he has the floor space to actually hang himself.

 

At Rise: A man is setting a chair under a noose hanging from his ceiling. The man then moves over to a camera which is sitting on top of a makeshift tripod on a small table as he obviously doesn’t have a real tripod. He adjusts the camera to the chair which he then sits at to begin his speech to the camera

 

CHRISTOPHER

Alright, how to start this? I never have been good at saying goodbye. Alright.

(He composes himself)

Here we go. Hello, my name is Christopher Thoskin. Since you are seeing this, it means that someone, possibly you, found me right here. Hanging from my own ceiling. I’m not sure exactly how suicide notes should be written, but I think that normally, at some point I am supposed to address the people I knew while I was here on Earth. To those of you who actually know me…hi

(Beat)

Bye. I don’t have a standing will, but I would like to leave all of my belongings and financial assets to…I don’t know. Pick a charity that really deserves it, I guess. I’m not sure what good a few sweater vests and a broken television will do, but I know it’s important to give back. What else. Umm…I guess last words. People are supposed to have meaningful, impactful last words…

(Really searching for these words)

Let. No. Day. Be lived. In. Vain.

(He realizes that he isn’t going to do any better so he steps up on the chair and starts to get the noose around him when there’s a knock on the door. CHRIS takes a beat and looks at the door. A second knock. Then a third until finally it will not seem to go away.)

Just…Just a second.

(In a mad dash, CHRISTOPHER takes the noose off of his neck and jumps from the chair. He quickly shuts off the camera and studies his apartment. He notices the noose. The knocking continues)

I’m coming!

(CHRISTOPHER takes the noose and tries to pull it down, but he tied it too well and it will not fall. After a few quick attempts, he decides “to hell with it” and decides to answer the door but avoid the noose. He opens the door a crack)

Hello?

(The door is burst open by an overly chipper woman who moves about with such a pace as to drain other people. She is holding a bright pink Tupperware cake container as well as a bright purse which, while matching her outfit, still manages to catch the eye)

 

SUNNY

Hello, I’m Sunny! I’m your new neighbor and I just could not imagine tonight ending without me coming over to say hello. And bring you a piece of cake. Do you enjoy cake? I love cake! What’s your favorite kind?

(SUNNY forces her way inside the room and is easily able to push past the weak CHRIS. SUNNY then goes about making herself at home and starting to set up the cake, making a B line into the small kitchen area. She still has not seen the noose in the middle of the room)

 

CHRISTOPHER

Um…Hi?

(Trying to process what has just happened)

Who did you say you were?

 

 

SUNNY

I’m Sunny, my parents named me that because they said that I brightened up their lives! I’m your new neighbor. And that’s as great an excuse as any for delicious cake!

 

CHRISTOPHER

Well, not that I’m not flattered by the gesture, but…Why me? There are at least ten other people on this floor alone.

 

SUNNY

Well, silly. I knocked, but no one else really seemed to want to open the door. I even heard some very strange words from what seemed to be an Italian family down the hall. You’re the first person to open the door and that makes you special. What’s your name?

 

CHRISTOPHER

Christopher.

 

SUNNY

Sounds like a boring old professor’s name. Ooh, What about Chris? Or C-Man? Or maybe Topher? Topher! You know, so many people use only the first part of their names, but you can be a rebel and use the second half! That’s it, it’s settled. I’m going to call you Topher!

 

CHRISTOPHER

Just Christopher. I’ve never been one for nicknames.

 

SUNNY

Oh, Tophy, you’re so funny.

CHRISTOPHER (Fighting a losing battle)

Christopher. And fine, one piece of cake,

(He looks at the noose which is still just in the middle of the room)

And then I really have other things to attend to tonight.

(SUNNY has finished setting out two plates, along with two forks and pulls out a bowl from her bag)

Wait. What’s the bowl for?

 

SUNNY

Well, we need something to mix it in obviously

(SUNNY then opens the Tupperware container revealing a box of cake mix, a water bottle filled to a precise line, a small bottle of oil, a small carton of eggs, and a carton of frosting)

 

CHRISTOPHER

You didn’t make it yet?!

 

SUNNY

Well making it is half the fun, Tophy. What better way for us to get to know one another, than for us to bake. Like my mother always said, you can learn more about a person from how they crack an egg than how they dress.

 

CHRISTOPHER (Trying to get her to leave)

Forget it, just head on home, bake the cake, and then bring it over

 

SUNNY

A-ha! I knew it! You did want some. See? No one can resist a good opportunity to bake.

 

CHRISTOPHER

I am just trying to have a moment alone. May I please just have some peace and quiet?

(SUNNY takes a beat to study CHRISTOPHER and consider his plea)

 

SUNNY (Laughing)

You’re funny Tophy!

(She turns her attention to the recipe on the back of the box.)

Now let’s see here. We have everything we need except for the pan to bake it in.

(Rummaging through her bag)

Annnnnndd…I forgot that so I guess we just have to improvise. Do you have a baking pan?

 

CHRISTOPHER

I don’t know. I don’t bake much.

 

SUNNY

Well we won’t know unless we search. Help me find something, Tophy.

 

(SUNNY starts rummaging through the only set of drawers in the entire room which is somewhat close, but only contains some clothes. CHRISTOPHER meanwhile is searching out of some compulsion to follow SUNNY’s orders. SUNNY notices the noose.)

TOPHY! What is THIS!?

 

CHRISTOPHER (Avoiding confrontation)

Well…You see…

 

SUNNY (Suddenly Laughing quietly to herself)

Halloween was three months ago. Honestly, Tophy how have you managed so long without me? Oh well, I understand. Sometimes I leave my Christmas decorations up til July if nobody stops me. I just love the way that the tree can liven up my bedroom.

 

CHRISTOPHER

You put your Christmas tree…in your bedroom?

 

SUNNY (Completely oblivious)

Where do most people put it?

(SUNNY moves over and tries to pull the rope from the ceiling, but it is stuck.)

Oh well, I guess a few more days can’t hurt. What’s the worst that could happen?

(She then takes the chair from under the rope and moves it over to the oven which she opens in her search. She pulls out a pan)

A-Ha! I have found you a pan!

(Looking into the pan)

And it appears that I also found some of your dinner from quite a while ago?

(Showing him the pan)

Is this fish?

 

CHRISTOPHER

Right. I was wondering what happened to that.

 

SUNNY

Wow, your oven’s filthy! How often do you use it?

 

CHRISTOPHER (Muttering to himself)

I tried to use it this morning, but the damn thing’s electric.